Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
