Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize