Kiss
Puke
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
