Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
