She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
