You really coming over, don't trick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
