he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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