you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
