dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Can Purell be used as lube?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
