Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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