carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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