The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
