i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
