making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
