I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
