I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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