Umm I'm too high to move.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
