the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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