Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
