i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
