the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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