So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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