You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
