these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
