I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ok first of all what the fuck
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
