omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Houston, we have a blender
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
