I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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