i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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