Whod you bang
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
