The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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