I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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