what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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