I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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