i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
