now i know why i became what i already was.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
