Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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