Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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