I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize