and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
