well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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