I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
