trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
