o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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