mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize