Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
please come you make the beer taste better
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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