he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ugly people sure do ruin things
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
