There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your cock deserves a montage
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think my moral compass just broke
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
