the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
