Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
