I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize