I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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