The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
