The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
