So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
