i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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