Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
