My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
