well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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