I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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