Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I need to calm my uterus...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize