This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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